{"id":1979,"date":"2017-01-13T17:55:54","date_gmt":"2017-01-14T01:55:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.robinstewart.com\/blog\/?p=1979"},"modified":"2017-01-14T00:41:41","modified_gmt":"2017-01-14T08:41:41","slug":"good-and-bad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.robinstewart.com\/blog\/2017\/01\/good-and-bad\/","title":{"rendered":"Good and Bad"},"content":{"rendered":"

One of the ideas\u00a0that stuck with me after reading\u00a0Nonviolent Communication<\/em> (Rosenberg, 3rd ed. 2015), is that words such as\u00a0‘good’, ‘bad’, ‘better’, ‘worse’, ‘right’, and ‘wrong’ can\u00a0often be\u00a0problematic. For example:<\/p>\n

In expressing our feelings, it helps to use words that refer to specific emotions, rather than words that are vague or general. For example, if we say, ‘I feel good about that,’ the word\u00a0good<\/em> could mean happy, excited, relieved, or a number of other emotions. Words such as\u00a0good<\/em> and\u00a0bad<\/em> prevent the listener from connecting easily with what we might actually be feeling. (p. 43)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Notice how Rosenberg very intentionally did\u00a0not<\/em> say that using vague words is bad<\/em> or\u00a0wrong<\/em> \u2014 which would of course be a contradiction! Rather, he walked the talk and described a specific\u00a0problem that can arise when such words are used. (Elsewhere in the book he describes all sorts of terrible\u00a0problems that can arise from using judgmental language including “right” and “wrong”.)<\/p>\n

Part of what’s poignant about this is how easy it is for my mind\u00a0to jump to the simplified version: that using these words\u00a0is<\/em>\u00a0bad or wrong. They appear frequently in conversation, social media, news, and books. So now every time I notice\u00a0one, I have an opportunity \u2014 I can\u00a0judge the wrongness\/badness of the writer, or I can simply\u00a0become curious and see if I can think up\u00a0a more specific way to phrase what they may have meant (helping to improve my own communication skills). Sometimes\u00a0my mind does both. Sometimes\u00a0I end up liking the author’s word choice a lot.<\/p>\n

In a way, the most remarkable thing about Nonviolent Communication<\/em> is that it is a self-help book (which we would presume to contain some ideas about what sort of behavior is good or bad) written entirely without resorting to\u00a0judgmental language like “good”, “right”, “should”, and “must”. Instead, everything is framed as techniques that can be employed to achieve certain goals or qualities.<\/p>\n

If our objective is only to change people and their behavior or to get our way, then NVC is not an appropriate tool. The process is designed for those of us who would like others to change and respond, but only if they choose to do so willingly and compassionately.\u00a0The objective of NVC is to establish a relationship based on honesty and empathy. (p. 81)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I think it is critically important to recognize that someone who does\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0practice\u00a0nonviolent communication is not\u00a0bad<\/em> or\u00a0wrong<\/em>. They may be suffering unnecessarily, but they are doing their best.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One of the ideas\u00a0that stuck with me after reading\u00a0Nonviolent Communication (Rosenberg, 3rd ed. 2015), is that words such as\u00a0‘good’, ‘bad’, ‘better’, ‘worse’, ‘right’, and ‘wrong’ can\u00a0often be\u00a0problematic. For example: In expressing our feelings, it helps to use words that refer to specific emotions, rather than words that are vague or general. For example, if we … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Good and Bad”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robinstewart.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1979"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robinstewart.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robinstewart.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robinstewart.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robinstewart.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1979"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.robinstewart.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1979\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2008,"href":"https:\/\/www.robinstewart.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1979\/revisions\/2008"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robinstewart.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1979"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robinstewart.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1979"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robinstewart.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1979"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}